Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
