I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
