I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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