i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
