so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
