I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His nipple licking is glorious
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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