i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
birth control should be required to get into college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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