You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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