This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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