Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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