So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
