it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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