Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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