Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
