By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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