That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
