'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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