I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
be right there i have to get my cape
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
