On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
