I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
its liver damage thursday
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