Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
