My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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