she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
