Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
