I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Michael Bay diarrhea
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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