I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
