I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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