Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
