ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
