my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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