OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
