You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
