So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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