wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
