You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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