I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
