I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
