wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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