Non-Jews are for practice
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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