yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
