I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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