I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
