but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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