I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
