It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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