the new term for farting is butt boxing.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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