If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
