Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
