Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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