Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
