So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
