Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
