i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
