just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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