textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize