It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
