ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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