I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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