It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This baby is an asshole
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
