he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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