38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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