i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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