No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
