Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
