"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
