I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
