I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
